The parents who struggled the most were not uncaring. They were not lazy. They were not “bad at parenting.” They were carrying something invisible.
Many had grown up in homes where love was inconsistent, conditional, or confusing. These adults had tried everything. Self-help books. Positive thinking. Better communication strategies.Promising themselves they would “never be like their parents.”
And yet, in moments of stress, they found themselves repeating the very patterns they swore would end with them. Not because they didn’t care. But because insight alone wasn’t enough.
I saw over and over again in my practice. Adults starving for connection…Yet terrified of closeness. Parents desperate to do better… Yet overwhelmed by reactions they didn’t understand. They weren’t broken. They were living inside a nervous system shaped by childhood.
And no one had ever shown them how to work with that.
Â