Our ability to connect is as essential to our vitality as food or shelter…and a key element in understanding the harmfulness of overwhelming stress in our lives. Even those raised in caring homes, upon being attacked or in an accident, often isolate. Feeling stuck in chronically stressful conditions at work or home, or even in the culture we live in, can numb us or make us overly reactive. Imagine what being raised in a home where feelings were not attuned to, disagreements respectfully hashed out, and kindness mitigated difficult conditions would do to one’s ability to safely connect with self or other.
Yet in the hope of comfort from another, and the power found in giving comfort, we find ourselves soothed and reassured, once again belonging to the world around us.
Attachment work is born of an understanding, that as human beings we have a profound need to connect with others. This Attachment Model, which I’ve written a great deal about, is essential to my work with relationships. Chronic stress makes us insecure in our relationships. Even those with previously healthy-enough lives find that, following overwhelming experiences, they withdraw from others, or bend to others’ wills as they strive to connect. And yet we know that, when we can let in, and lean on, the support of others in a healthy way, we’re far less likely to become stuck in old patterns, chasing others away or clinging to them. My training in Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) informs my work.
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