Coaching seems to be the up-and-coming trend for those of you who are seeking a better life. Your best life! How to choose? You may ask: is it right for me? what do I need to look for in finding a coach? What can I expect? Google “life coach,” and there are pages and pages of people only too happy to share with you their life hacks. Many of them took a quick coaching course, some, not even that. And some, like me, have had years of experience with clinical heavy-lifting….we’ve been licensed counselors, psychologists, and in my case, social workers. We’ve crafted our skills in many areas to meet the needs of profound disturbance. in my case, I focused on trauma, and on healing through embodiment, through relieving mounds of deeply layered trauma, making it safe to feel again. And discover the capacity for excitement, hope for the future, and deep pleasure of connecting with self and other in the present.
How is Coaching Different from Therapy?
Therapy focuses on illness. Depression, profound chronic anxiety, Trauma, as well as a host of other diagnosable disorders. It can take years of weekly sessions to budge these illnesses, to convince the suicidal to live, to invite the dissociative to once again inhabit their precious bodies. It is general, encompassing the whole system in order to rebuild it, often from scratch. It delves into the painful past.
Coaching, instead, takes a functional life and brings it to thriving! Are you checking out in your life? Wondering what’s the point? Even more specifically, are you wanting your knees not to shake when you’re giving a speech, or dealing with an emotionally immature parent? Your life may be ok, after all, you have a career, a nice home, a family. Yet, you feel something is missing. The enthusiasm you once had has given way to a hamster’s wheel of dragging yourself to work, surviving the meetings, fighting burn-out, only to return home exhausted, doom-scrolling or binge-watching t.v., while stuffing down the contents of a frozen meal without tasting it. Then there’s the sleep: all the worries and regrets that the day distracted you from come pouring in, and rest eludes you.
Coaching is specific. It is goal-oriented. The goals are achieved through exploration and exercises, including exercises to do between sessions. All to achieve the life you want to live, instead of the one you have now. And it doesn’t take forever; in fact, most coaching clients achieve the answer to their burning question in a few sessions, in my experience 8-12. It can be weekly, or as you go. It answers:
- How can I be a better public speaker?
- What are ways I can better parent my child with a disability?
- Are there practices that help me relax after a hard day?
- How can I overcome the impact of my personality-disordered parent?
- What do I really want in life, and what is my right livelihood?
- How can I meet the beloved of my dreams?
- How can I find my true friends?
And so much more!
How Do I Find The Right Coach For Me?
First, Google your need, and add “coach” to the question. Coaches have specific areas they address. Mine address all the areas where clients may be numbing themselves, and gives them another avenue to feel good, vital, purposeful in their lives. It also addresses those who are defying the gravitational pull of an emotionally immature, even personality-disordered parent or significant other.
Second, find someone who has advanced training. Many therapists are now coaching. Imagine that you’ve been training hard for years, lifting 100 lb. weights, and now are given 20 lbs. to lift. Like lifting a feather, right? Working with trauma, stress so profound it resulted in frozen, dispairing lives, was my 100 lb. weight. Working with chronic stress, for example, engages all my skills over a twenty plus year period, and is the comparable 20 lb. weight.
Third, look for the person that you’re most comfortable with. For example, I meet briefly online or in person with all people interested in working with me, at no charge, so that both of us can see wether or not we vibe.
What Should I Expect?
You and I will get to know one another. And no, you will not be needing to talk about your less-than-optimal childhoods. We won’t be reversing into the past, but instead crafting a future together.
That being said, we are going to figure out what specifically you want to go for. What are your goals? The more specific, the more we can get you on the right path, with the right practices. Every session, you’ll be given exercise, actions to take, articles to read, perhaps some journaling or completion of a specific task. And every session, you and I will be checking on the effect of these exercises, and determining what helps and what doesn’t. We’ll be checking your improvements based on your goal. And then, you’ll graduate. Think months, not years.
Congratulate your self on beginning this journey. I truly hope this helps to clarify your question. And if you believe I might be the one for you, please feel free to contact me. May your journey be a wonder!