The Sauna, or, How To Befriend Heated Conflict

Conflict is hard, and the hardest part, in my observation, is when it becomes heated. Even cool, the threat is there: the loss of a tenuous relationship, or of the harmony at least superficially apparent. Most cultures work very hard at finding and maintaining equanimity. Yet, darn it, those heated conflicts keep popping up! Continue Reading The Sauna, or, How To Befriend Heated Conflict

Trauma 101: Helping Friends & Family Not To Put Their Foot In It

On the bright side, this really is a journey I’m on. I don’t know where it’s going, or how long (if ever) I’ll get to the other side, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone…but I am trying to learn things, like how to lean on others, how to notice also that which is beautiful and comforting, how to be in the moment, how to heal from whatever brought this about in the first place. This letter is meant to help you join me in this journey, in whatever way you see fit, with greater confidence…and maybe, a journey of your own.
Continue Reading Trauma 101: Helping Friends & Family Not To Put Their Foot In It

Shame Part 2: Psychological Perfectionism

Inappropriate… Don’t you love the word? It says everything and nothing. Of course, we therapists love to weigh in on our own versions of what’s appropriate – what’s acceptable to thought or behavior. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a dirty word, used far more in our profession to hurt, to shame, then to help.… Continue Reading Shame Part 2: Psychological Perfectionism